Sharing is an important social skill young children need to learn, but it can be one of the most challenging. Understanding the difference between sharing and taking turns is key to helping your child navigate these early learning stages.
What is Sharing?
Oftentimes, when parents want their child to share, they really mean they want their child to take turns. But that’s a slightly different concept.
Sharing involves giving some of something to another person, like asking your child to give some of their snack to their sibling. Taking turns, on the other hand, means giving something away completely for a period of time. Both of these skills can be challenging for young children, especially toddlers, as it is developmentally normal for them to be self-focused.
“I think it’s important to note that all children struggle with sharing and turn-taking in early childhood,” said Kat Willard, Senior Director of Family Support and Literacy at First Things First, “because they have not yet developed the skill set to share or take turns.”
Learning to share requires a child to recognize not only their feelings but also the feelings of others.
Child development experts say that this empathetic awareness typically develops around ages 3 or 4, though some children may take longer to fully grasp the concept and learn how to share.
Understand Your Child’s Capabilities
Having realistic expectations for what your child can do at their age is essential. “As parents, and as a society, we often want things from our children that they are not capable of doing,” said Willard. “We need to remember that, relatively speaking, they just got here on our earth and have only been learning about the way our world works for a very brief period of time.”
If your 2-year-old gets upset when asked to share a toy, know that this is developmentally appropriate. At this stage, toddlers are learning the concept of ownership and that toy is theirs!
Sharing is a complex skill that develops over time. Your love, support and patience can guide your little one through this process.
Tips to help your child:
Use the phrase “take turns” and explain what is happening. This might sound like, “Romelo, we are going to take turns with Sophie. You’re playing with the car right now, and then it will be Sophie’s turn to play with it for a while. Then, it will be your turn again.” Narrating the situation helps your child understand the process and prepare for it.
Stay neutral during disputes. When sibling or friend rivalry kicks in, resist the urge to rush in and break things up. Before jumping in, let them try to work it out on their own—it helps develop essential social skills.
Dealing with frustration, disappointment, or anger during disagreements helps kids learn to control their emotions. Over time, this can make them better at handling tough feelings.
Organize play dates. Play offers plenty of chances to practice sharing and turn-taking. Praise their efforts, as positive reinforcement encourages the repetition of good behaviors. You can say, “I noticed how you used your words to tell your friend how you felt, and that was really kind of you!” or “You did a great job waiting for your turn to talk and listening to your friend!”
Remember, struggling with sharing is developmentally appropriate for young children. Try to see things through their eyes— developing these essential skills takes time, repetition and a lot of support from you.
